Your tax dollars, boomeranged

Yesterday the lady and gentleman of the house received The Letter from the U.S. Government informing them they will be receiving the much hyped tax rebate that is part of President Bush's plan to stimulate the economy. Not only has everyone, with the exception of those living in a bunker, already heard about the rebate, most have also heard about The Letter they would be receiving informing them of the pending windfall.

Apparently, the government believed some people would be confused if they received money out of thin air. Because humans are so honest, they will not cash a mystery check that finds its way into their mailboxes, and so they would have no extra money to spend, which is vital to Stimulating The Economy.

It cost the government $42 million to mail out The Letter. The lady of the house was beside herself all day, wondering aloud how that sum of money could have been put to better use. In the hopes of shutting her up, I decided to do a little investigating to see what $42 million would buy.

For $42 million, you could do one of the following:

• Pay the salary of 1,050 elementary school teachers for one year
• Pay for 4.2 million flu shots
• Buy 13 million gallons of gas
• Spay/neuter 646,000 cats
• Pay for 56,000 colonoscopies
• Pay for 280,000 mammograms
• Buy 15,556 complete sets of military body armor

I assumed I would please the lady by providing this information to her. However, she is now frothing at the mouth, and her face has turned blue.

What did I do wrong?