The sniff test

Be sure to smell eggnog to check for spoilage before partaking.

World Rat-Firefighter Day

That's it, I'm firing my secretary. He was supposed to remind me that April 4 was World Rat Day. I beg your pardon, dear readers. Dare I say there's still a whiff of the holiday in the air? Join me as I pay photographic tribute to these brave, firefighting rats. (The one under the truck is not cowering—he's just inspecting the chassis. Aye, by my whiskers! I do believe there's a radiator leak).

Hip-hip, hur-rat!

I egg your pardon

"Henry, I was just catching up on your blog from last week, and I see that you did not post the photo of Buster in his Easter basket in your Sunday blog, per my request," says She-Who-Need-Not-Be-Named.

Gulp, says I.

"Do you KNOW who pays the Internet bill around here?" says SWNNBN.

Why don't I just wait until next Easter?

"You are blogging on borrowed time."

I see your point.

The Easter Bilby: An idea whose time has come

In Australia, rabbits are considered vermin—unwelcome European invaders that eat more than their fair share of roughage. So for its icon of Easter, Aussie conservationists have lobbied hard to ordain the bilby, a ratty-looking native marsupial, as its purveyor of choice for holiday eggs. When you think about it, it makes much more sense for an animal with a built-in pouch to do the job. What are humans teaching their children about mammalian reproduction by leading them to believe that bunnies lay eggs?

Australian confectioner Darrell Lea has boosted the cause by manufacturing and selling chocolate Easter Bilbies, and the company donates some of its profits to the national Save the Bilby Fund. The candy has chompable-ears that should still satisfy the bloodthirst of any chocolate-bunny converts. Sales of chocolate bilbies now reportedly outnumber chocolate bunnies 8 to 1.

I worry a little, however, that the Fund might be inadvertently hurting the potential proliferation of the bilby by stating that, "When the baby bilby is born, it looks like a baked bean with legs." I suggest that Aussies keep those babies away from America's New Englanders. Otherwise, the Boston Baked Bean may take on a whole new texture.

To see chocolate bilbies being made, click here.

Attention all rabbits: mind your ears and tongues

Easter is fast upon us, and sadistic children everywhere will soon be savagely biting the ears off chocolate bunnies. I know, I know. You probably find this activity harmless. But remember what happened when trinket manufacturers decided dyed rabbit feet would make dandy keychains? Somewhere a diabolical entrepreneur is thinking: People are ravenous for chocolate bunny ears. But they so quickly melt away. Real bunny ears are substantive. Sort of like a Slim Jim. And then a light bulb appears: Eureka. Rabbit-ear jerky! I don't think it'd take consumers long to get on board.

The baby bunny in this picture has no idea what kind of world awaits him. If he did, he wouldn't have his marketable appendage so carelessly perched on that wire. Nor would he expose that dainty pink tongue. Let the chocolate kitten tongue story be a cautionary tale. German chocolatiers are eager to double-dip any protruding extremities in their path.

Look sharp, Peter Cottontail!

Be kind, or else!

I only just learned that last week was Random Acts of Kindness Week, designated as such by the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. To be certain that my eye-rolling was justified, I consulted good old Webster's, which assured me that the word random means that which occurs or is done without careful choice, aim, plan, etc. So this is a rather ill-informed holiday. Further, I question the institutionalization of kindness, as the potential for corruption in such an organization is boundless.

It just so happens that I was randomly kind last week, and now I worry that the individual to whom I was kind might think that I did so only to obey a direct order. And thus, I take back my compliment, Max. I do not think you would be handsome as a starlet's fur coat.

Defacing a president

So, Henry. Did you do anything special to celebrate Presidents Day weekend?

Mmm, not really. Read the new issue of The Economist. Played some paper football. Did a little yoga. Uh, why do you ask?

Happy valentines day: here's some kitten tongues!

Why, why, why, would someone make candy out of cat tongues? Apparently, they're very big in France and Germany. This proprietor of tongues is all sold out.

"Fine milk chocolate cat tongues. Perfect on your most beautiful dessert table or for a delicious snack anytime. Try a little cake decorating with these cat tongues to add something extra to your party."

This cat on YouTube has no idea how at risk he is.

Harvey wishes everyone a happy new year

Actually, Harvey is somewhere in rat heaven. But if he were here, he'd be the first to say: 我将带来乳酪给党。. Translation: I will bring the cheese dip to the party. In honor of Chinese New Year and the Year of the Rat, I have been asked to share this video of Harvey with you. I have also been urged to add that this little furry man and all his predecessors are missed in this home.

P.S. Love & greetings to our friends (and rats) in China.

Change your wipers! Wake up the rodent!

Most of you are probably thinking today is Groundhog Day. You're only partly right. It's also National Change Your Windshield Wipers Day. Leave it to the National Safety Council to barge in and ruin a perfectly good, unsafe holiday. Because the only thing more dangerous than driving with a dirty windshield is waking a 10-pound rodent with 4-inch teeth.

Click here to see what's going on at the N.C. Museum of Natural Sciences Groundhog Day Celebration.

Public service announcement

I cannot believe I agreed to this, but here goes:

Today is National Wear Red Day. For the next 24 hours, you are ordered to cease and desist wearing fabric that is yellow, blue or green. I have donned this crimson cape as an example of how you might express yourself. If the superhero look is not for you, consider wearing a red tie, shoes, hat or well-appointed broach. Today's red-garment mandate is to raise awareness about women and heart disease. I'm not going to scare you with the grisly statistics. Suffice it to say that heart disease kills a lot of women (and some cats). If you're a woman, make sure you know your risk factors and the ways in which you can diminish them. You can find more information here. If you are a cat, talk to your veterinarian.

I only hope tomorrow is not National Wear Your Panties on Your Head Day.