McDonald's offers free-range McNuggets, limited time only

A McDonald's in Temecula, California has finally captured a hen that had been living in its parking lot for four months. The company claimed the hen has gone to live on an employee's farm, but I believe they are trying to cover up a lesser-reported story that a customer complained shortly thereafter that his McNuggets were suspiciously delicious. In a very Tiananmen Square-like posture of defiance, the chicken had been planting herself in front of cars trying to exit the drive-thru. That's when the company finally said: Enough.

Also unreported in the story is the ultimate means of the chicken's capture. An anonymous source has told Henry's Travels that the company enlisted the help of the Chick-fil-A cows to nab the hen, then defaulted on a promise to release the bird into their custody. The cows, already embroiled in their own "Eat More Chikin" campaign, were too exhausted to protest. My source has also told me that the cows dispersed upon threat of becoming the centerpiece of a new value meal.

The sky is falling. Again.

Well, it looks like we're gonna have some sleepless nights around here next month, as I have just learned that a large out-of-control, no-longer-top-secret U.S. spy satellite will crash into Earth, nowhere in particular, sometime in February. I am worried about where a cat might hide from such a thing, and Carla is beside herself.

She is having flashbacks to 1979, when she lay in bed at night wondering whether Skylab — NASA's space-station-gone-rogue — would drop through the roof. No one knew where it would land, and Earthlings were terrified.

Apparently Chicken Little was nowhere near the tiny town of Esperance in western Australia. Otherwise, the "chooks" in Elsie Thornton's chicken pen would've taken cover. Some charred remnants of Skylab littered her farm when it finally fell on July 11, and the chickens suffered post-traumatic stress disorder, Thornton told ABC (the Australian Broadcasting Company). They didn't lay eggs for the rest of the week, she said.

Can someone loan me a crash helmet?