Thursday, April 30, 2009

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Henry's Quote of the Week, 2nd Installment

Some of you may be wondering why I select my Quote of the Week at or near the beginning of the week rather than evaluating the contenders at the end of the week. I just think it's more challenging this way. The idea is that I have to make a call as early as possible when I see a quote that I believe isn't likely to be topped before the week is out—something that I deem so incisive, witty or outrageous that no one could possibly say anything more wise, funny or ridiculous by Thursday or Friday. I like a good gamble. (You should see me when I get anywhere near a craps table.)

If you discover a quote that you think would have been a better choice, please e-mail me and if I deem it blog-worthy, I will mention it in one of my posts.

This week's selection is a tie. I know. That might be construed as soft and indecisive. But this is my blog and I make the rules, even if they don't seem fair to you.
On former VP Dick Cheney's inability to shut the frak up about how many ways in which the Obama administration has destroyed the Union, CNN's Jack Cafferty pithily delivered:

"Please, go quail hunting and leave the rest of us alone."
Oh please, oh please, oh please. Please take Karl Rove with you.
On yesterday's military-sanctioned "photo op" of a 747-like plane skimming the New York skyline, sending shell-shocked Manhattanites ducking and covering, former Bush adviser Fran Townsend said:

"I'd call this felony stupidity."
I say get in line, Felony Stupidity. This is akin to thinking that if you waterboard someone 180 times, the prisoner will say: "OK, I was able to withstand 179, but now I've reached my limit." Reminds me of that old definition of insanity attributed to Albert Einstein: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Now I have to go cross my furry digits that Minnesota Sen. Michelle Bachmann doesn't get anywhere near an open microphone before the end of the week. Let's stroll down memory lane, shall we:
"Literally, if we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level." —Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, Jobs, Energy and Community Development Committee, testifying against SF 3, a bill to raise the MN minimum wage and advocating the elimination of the minimum wage altogether..

"Many teenagers that come in should be paying the employer because of broken dishes or whatever occurs during that period of time. But you know what? After six months, that teenager is going to be a fabulous employee and is going to go on a trajectory where he's going to be making so much money, we'll be borrowing money from him." —Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, explaining why teenagers should pay employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving minimum wage.

"If we allow businesses to be prosperous and accrue capital, they’ll be giving their employees more than they can even begin to imagine. But when we continue to tie cement blocks on businesses (like the minimum wage) and constrain them, they can actually do less than their employees."—Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, testifying against SF 3, a bill to raise the MN minimum wage and explaining why it actually keeps wages and benefits lower.

By this logic, every time Bachmann opens her mouth, she will be drawing less and less of a stipend until she eventually owes the Senate money. This deranged raccoon has been breaking a LOT of dishes.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Yes I can ...

... "has cheezburger," apparently.

The Madame rushed into the room this morning, saying "You're not going to believe this, Henry! I was making my daily—oh, OK, sometimes twice daily—visit to see the funny cats and captions at Icanhascheezburger and guess what?! Your photo was selected to appear on the main page! You already have 1,651 votes for an average score of 4 and a half out of 5 cheezburgers!"

"Which photo was it?" I asked.

"The one in your Supercat cape," she said.

"You mean the one where you tied a red dinner napkin around my neck and made me sit by the window?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh good grief, woman. All right then, what did we win?"

"Nothing. Just 'fame and glory' according to the cheezburger FAQ."

"Like we didn't get enough attention when I landed on the Colbert Nation Web site in that kitty-size Wrist Strong bracelet you forced me to wear?"

"Well, I don't know how many people comprise the Colbert Nation, but according to Wired Magazine, ICHC gets 2 million hits a day."

*Sigh* "Please don't send them the photo of me in the chaps and spurs."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Max's position on climate change

Alarmed? Do I look alarmed?

I'll deny it. I'll look away.

No. I'll cover it up, then look away.

Um. Maybe the paw is not enough. I'll use the butt. Did I hit the mark? Scootch to the right, you say? Oh, good grief. I can't hide the truth.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Henry's Quote of the Week, First Installment

I know it's only Monday, but I can't imagine it getting any better than this. Meghan McCain, upon her disgust at learning that Karl Rove is following her Tweets:

"We need to take Twitter back from the creepy people."

Sunday, April 12, 2009