Henry's Travels snubbed by the president

President Obama did not invite me to his meeting with "progressive bloggers" in which he asked for help exposing the misinformation about his health care plan. Said he: "I know the blogs are best at debunking myths that can slip through a lot of the traditional media outlets. And that is why you are going to play such an important role in our success in the weeks to come." Snub or no snub, I'm impressed that the president recognizes and appreciates the source of much of our real news.

More on Rick Warren, anti-theism and biology for dummies

It briefly occurred to me, as it did to Aunt B. over at Tiny Cat Pants, that there is a broader issue underlying the whole who-should-give-the-invocation-at-the-inauguration bruhaha, which is: Why should there even be an invocation? Says she:

Does it grate that there’s going to be some homophobic zealot jackass speaking for and to his god at the inauguration like the difference between homophobic religious zealots who want to control women and everyone else is just a difference of opinion? Yes. But why is any minister there in the first place? Wake me up when we’re having that discussion.

I want to discuss it, but I'm tired. And I don't do my best work when I'm in need of a nap. But I'll leave a few morsels for you.

The consensus around here is that god shouldn't play a role in government (assuming that we believe that there is a god). But guess who thinks not? No surprise. The Wise Reverend Rick, as revealed to Larry King.

"I couldn't vote for a person who was an atheist, because I would think -- I think the presidency is a job too big for one person. I would think there's a little arrogance that says, I don't need anybody else. I could vote for someone of different religions than mine, but I don't know that I could personally vote for somebody who denies that we need somebody greater than ourselves to help us."

This anti-evolutionist also told King:

"If Darwin was right, which is survival of the fittest then homosexuality would be a recessive gene because it doesn't reproduce and you would think that over thousands of years that homosexuality would work itself out of the gene pool."

Warren needs someone greater than himself to explain this whole evolutionary biology thing, and it's not god.

If you wanna hear a couple of lively science geeks dissect Warren's idiotic statement, check out the comments under "Human Population Genetics for Creationist Idiots: The Rick Warren Edition" over at Mike the Mad Biologist.

Barack Obama hates gay people

OK, that's hyperbole on my part. He has, however, shown great contempt for the gay community—and its friends and supporters—by choosing pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. Warren is an evangelical who opposes equal rights for same-sex couples, among other things. Obama defended his choice, saying Warren's is among "a wide range of viewpoints" that are welcome in his administration. Of all the "spiritual leaders" he could have called upon for this task, why not choose someone who is inclusive—someone who, dare I say it, espouses liberty and justice for all?

I have a question for Obama, who has been so busy putting together his team of rivals. The liberals who helped you get elected are starting to feel like they fit into that category. So where's our bone, Obama? When you reached across the aisle, did they grab your arm and suck you into the vortex?

We knew we'd be disappointed. But this is disgusting.

Forgive me Father, for I have voted for Obama

If the smackdown over a Florida priest's stinginess with communion wafers wasn't enough, now a priest in South Carolina doesn't want to give up the goods either. If you voted for Obama, that is. Father Jay Scott Newman wrote in the St. Mary's Catholic Church bulletin:

"Voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exits constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil, and those Catholics who do so place themselves outside of the full communion of Christ's Church and under the judgment of divine law," wrote Father Newman. "Persons in this condition should not receive Holy Communion until and unless they are reconciled to God in the Sacrament of Penance, lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."

He added: "Our nation has chosen for its chief executive the most radical pro-abortion politician ever to serve in the United States Senate or to run for president."

Really? I wish Father Newman (or someone else) would point me to his sources. And for crying out loud, hasn't it already been established that Obama is the most radical, socialist, baby-killing, terrorist-coddling pinko ever elected President? Enough already.

Newman wrote: "This election was effectively decided by the votes of self-described (but not practicing) Catholics, the majority of whom cast their ballots for President-elect Obama."

Well, that's one way to conserve wafers.

Michelle Obama's inaugural gown ... what will it be?

Before a First Lady had even been "elected," Project Runway alumni were challenged to design an inaugural gown. My girl Leann Marshall, self-described fashion assassin and winner of Season 5, stepped up her game to create a fetching frock out of potato sacks. Unfortunately, it was better suited to Cindy McCain. Really. She would have rocked it. Maybe she could wear something like it when her husband is presented the Mr. Incongeniality Award.

Thankfully, it will be Michelle O. twirling 'round the dance floor on Inauguration Night. With the notable exception of the very Halloweeny dress she selected for Election Night, Mrs. Obama is impeccable in her taste. I wonder how she'd look in red velvet or silk. One blogger has suggested a turquoise satin gown with a sweetheart neckline. I'm open to that. She was pretty in periwinkle on the cover of Newsweek. Very flattering color. Wow, this is not inaugurally appropriate but, wow.

I have only one request of her: Please don't choose a gown with pockets. I'm so sick of seeing celebrities and socialites slouching about in evening gowns with their hands shoved into their pockets. No woman is supposed to look that comfortable in a formal dress. I fully expect them to start mopily kicking a can that fell out of their skirt.

What do you think Mrs. O should wear?

Raleigh, NC says yes to hope!

The grinning yokel on the left is the woman who puts food in my bowl and gives me a warm fleece blankie to nap on. She came home from today's Barack Obama rally in North Carolina flat-out drunk on hope. Shortly afterward, her one and only Republican friend happened to phone and ask what she was up to. "Oh!" she said, her enthusiasm barely containable. "I just got back from the Obama rally downtown—there were 20,000 people down there!" To her astonishment, he replied: "Were they handing out free cheese?" Oh boy. She gave me the nod, and I put my paw on the receiver and pressed "End Call." Ooops!

The Madame leaned back in her chair, her hope bubble temporarily deflated. She stewed for about 20 minutes, then she looked at me and said, "You know, racists can be inspirational, in their way." She grabbed her coat and goofy blue hat and scurried out the door. "Don't hold dinner!" she cried.

Four hours later the Madame returned and ran over to me and shook me by the shoulders. "Henry, I made over 200 phone calls at Obama HQ! I told people when and where they could vote early! Many of them thanked me and said they couldn't wait to get down to the polls and cast their vote for Obama! And just when I thought I'd cave from lack of sustenance, a lady brought in a steaming hot pan of homemade baked spaghetti for the volunteers. She offered it from the goodness of her own heart and the warmth of her own kitchen. And .... I think you know where this is going .... it was topped with cheese. Melted and yummy. And free."

I think you have a little bit of hope smeared at the corner of your mouth, I said. Here, let me get that for you.

McCain praises Obama's decency. Says "you do not have to be scared" of him

I try not to worry much about whether I'll have to live again on the streets at some future point in my life. You know, what with the economy the way it is. But lately I've been concerned about how many degrees of separation exist between me and Barack Obama. You see, I quite like the Madame. She feeds me, pets me and lets me use her computer (even after I threw up on the modem and knocked out our Internet connection for three days). And both she and the Mister quite like Barack Obama, who according to the McCain campaign "pals around with terrorists."

So lately, McCain, Palin and their camp have been asking, creepily, "Who IS Barack Obama." With folks at McCain rallies yellowing out things like "Terrorist!" "Treason!" "Bomb him!" and "Kill him!", I've been nervous about whether someone will make a connection between me and Bill Ayers. After all, there's a sign right in our yard, "Obama for President," that might seem to suggest our association with domestic terrorists. In case you haven't noticed, I'm covered in fur. And fur is flammable.

Madame has just informed me that Mr. McCain finally "took up for" Obama at a rally just a few hours ago, when participants said Obama was an Arab and that they feared for their children under his presidency. Here's part of what McCain had to say:

"He's a decent, family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues, and that's what this campaign is all about."

Meanwhile, should we take down our sign just in case?

Do most Americans look like McCain?

The Wall Street Journal asked on Friday: "In a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them."

Is this a joke? Did WSJ and the New York Post participate in some sort of Freaky Friday-style stunt?

God help us.

"Tex" Obama: Ridin', ropin' and surveillin'

Hear that sound? It's the sound of the other shoe dropping. We've been listening for it ever since our household's choice for president clinched the Democratic nomination. He said he wouldn't vote for the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) bill, but he did. Twenty-eight Senate Democrats did not, including Biden, Dodd, Kerry and Clinton, former presidential hopefuls with no one to pander to now. Sen. John McCain didn't vote at all. Presumably, he was somewhere having another melanoma surreptitiously removed.

Obama says his wife looks good doing it

Gores: Take cue from Obamas. Fist bump trumps fish kiss, every time

Sometimes you can't re-invent the wheel, nor would you want to. Vagabond Scholar has all the information necessary for a comprehensive analysis of the "closed-fisted high-five" between Michelle and Barack Obama onstage in Minnesota last Tuesday night. If only Al Gore had employed this gesture instead of the catastrophic assault on his wife's face at the 2000 Democratic National Convention, as he attempted to hoist his cool factor from subterranean level. Ahhh, memories.

And a little cat shall lead them

Wow, I had no idea that Sen. Obama would heed my advice so quickly and let go the tether. I looked in the mirror this morning and I could swear my head is a tad bigger than it was yesterday. It makes my paws look even smaller.

Week in Review: Open letter to Barack Obama

Senator Obama, I embrace your message of change. I really do. And I think it's time to CHANGE CHURCHES. You know, everyone around here thought Rev. Wright was pretty entertaining, and sometimes he even made good points (in his sermons, not in his Tourettesian media outbursts), but this Michael Pfleger is another story altogether. I'm a cat. And cats don't have much use for church, seeing as how we're constantly told that we don't have souls. But it seems to me that if you are a churchgoer and a member of a church, then you should go to that church. Because things may have changed quite a bit since you were there last. If you don't like what you're seeing and hearing, you can get yourself off the rolls and outta dodge.

In the YouTube video of his histrionic "homily," Father Pfleger is introduced to the congregation, as if a prize fighter, as a "preacher par excellence, a prophetic, powerful pulpiteer." Then he steps into the ring and delivers what comes off like a white man doing a bad impersonation of Muhammed Ali taunting an opponent. The crowd loves it. After the three-minute fit, the (current pastor?) says, "Thank God for the message and thank God for the messenger." But I couldn't figure out what the message was. No, wait ... it's coming to me, it's coming to me .... the message is ... Barack, run for your life!!!!!

Seriously. Run for your life, man.

It's 3 in the morning! Leave me alone.

Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama are locked in a fierce public debate about who would best prepared to respond to a national crisis if the White House phone rang at 3 a.m. Am I the only one who thinks this question has a game-show quality about it? Each contestant could be given a horse tranquilizer, then awakened about an hour later and asked a series of random questions to determine cognitive function under sleep deprivation. At any rate, it's clear who would not be qualified in this household.

Feline suffrage: Oprah helps cats vote

I went to the polls in North Carolina today to participate in the U.S. "Super Tuesday" presidential primaries. I wandered around until I found someone who informed me that N.C. is not part of Super Tuesday. I was looking so forward to participating in the first "Cats Voting" project, which was inspired by the similar "Kids Voting" program that helps foster civic responsibility in children.

Later I turned on the news and saw that Oprah had used her influence to help a woman who had been turned away at the polls. I had my assistant phone Oprah, and her highness flew me to an Illinois polling place. In exchange for a new car, I promised to vote for her candidate, Obama, even though he has done nothing to solve the feline poverty issue. Tens of millions of cats live on America's streets, forced to steal or panhandle for food. Some even resort to violence. But at least Obama doesn't ditch animals, like Hillary, or strap his dog to the top of his car, like Romney.

I'm not above being bribed, as the car I ride in is in an abominable condition. In addition, Oprah gave me an Estee Lauder gift basket, several personal trainer sessions and a promise to recommend my blog to her Book Club participants. Finally, she offered me an audition as Miss Celie's cat in her Broadway musical, The Color Purple. The possibility that I might one day share the stage with Fantasia, a fellow North Carolinian, almost brought a tear to my cold, steely eyes.

What I think of Mrs. Teary Eyes, et. al

When I mentioned I was planning to write about the 2008 U.S. presidential candidates and their experience with animals, I was asked if it would be a "non-pawtisan" article. See what I have to put up with? I despise being lumped together with feline bloggers who make unforgivable puns and spell phonetically because they think it's endearing. This is a serious forum. But to answer the question, this is a nonpartisan piece.

• When the Clintons left the White House, their cat Socks got kicked to the curb. Fortunately, Bill's secretary was between Socks and the curb, and she took the cat home with her. I could give Hillary the benefit of the doubt and say she didn't approve of it. But we all know, if she didn't like it, snap, snap, snap, it wasn't gonna happen. For that reason, I don't think much of Mrs. Bill. I don't care that she currently has a dog. His days might be numbered.


• Dennis Kucinich, god love him, rescues puppies from the pound. At the moment, he has a couple of beagle mixes. No cats, but that's probably because he can't find one who'll put up with a beagle. So he would've had my vote, if I had a vote. (Look for my upcoming editorial on why I think cats shouldn't be allowed to vote.) And if he was still on the ballot.
  

• John McCain has the most pets of any candidate—22, if you believe what he's told the media. But I wonder ... does he have children? Is he pimping their pets to bolster his own reputation among animal-lovers? I've gotta say, if a 71-year-old man actually has, of his own volition, two dogs, two turtles, a cat, a ferret, three birds and 13 fish, then he either really loves animals or he's willing to go the distance to court the faunal vote. I, for one, will give him the benefit of the doubt. In addition, I give props to McCain because he recognizes what torture is and finds it abhorrent, which carries a lot of weight in the pet kingdom.

• Joe Biden. Now here's a piece of work. The guy has a cat. He is apparently so dedicated to his cat that it's the only pet he has. He's the only one on the slate who has a single feline, not combined with another pet OR another cat (Bill Richardson reports having two cats). Now you know, that has got to be one spoiled cat. Sure, he has to listen to the old blowhard talking to him incessantly about anything and everything, but sometimes it's nice for a cat to feel equal to the discourse. But Joe's out, and so is Bill R.

• Barack Obama doesn't have any pets, but he says he plans to give in to the solicitations of his kids and get a dog if he wins the White House. Hmmm. He appears to listen to his constituents. That's encouraging. But why doesn't he already have a pet? Did something happen to it? And if he did, why doesn't he have a replacement yet? Still, he's open to the idea. So I'm cautiously optimistic. After all, he claims to be the most changeful-ish of the self-anointed candidates of change. He might even change his mind and get a cat.

• Rudy Giuliani. Chilling. Not only does he have no pets, he doesn't even explain why. It must have something to do with 9/11. Or it could be because he has so many people traipsing in and out of his house that an animal would be crushed underfoot.

• This is interesting ... Chris Dodd (is he still alive?) claims that his family is allergic to pets. This is just a euphemism for "I hate animals."

• I don't give a whit about John Edwards, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee. They're all dog people ... blah, blah, blah ... and will soon be history anyway. I will say about Huckabee, however, that I wouldn't want to live with anyone who doesn't believe in evolution. I think it's important when a human gets all high and mighty about something, that I be able to remind him, with credibility, that he used to be an ape.

UPDATE: This just in ...
Sweet fancy Moses! Mitt Romney hates dogs! On June 27, 2007, The Boston Globe reported that before the Romney family's annual 12-hour family trek from Boston to Ontario in 1983, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. Romney defended himself, saying he "built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog." What?!!!! Later, when the dog's waste began pouring down the windshield, Mitt pulled over and hosed down both the cage and the dog, then kept on trucking. My word, I'm glad this guy's campaign is tanked! I'm not making this up, folks. More about this story (and Hillary too) at http://mediamatters.org/items/200710220005.

People, I can't bear to look any deeper into this. Just hold your nose and vote.