Feline suffrage: Oprah helps cats vote

I went to the polls in North Carolina today to participate in the U.S. "Super Tuesday" presidential primaries. I wandered around until I found someone who informed me that N.C. is not part of Super Tuesday. I was looking so forward to participating in the first "Cats Voting" project, which was inspired by the similar "Kids Voting" program that helps foster civic responsibility in children.

Later I turned on the news and saw that Oprah had used her influence to help a woman who had been turned away at the polls. I had my assistant phone Oprah, and her highness flew me to an Illinois polling place. In exchange for a new car, I promised to vote for her candidate, Obama, even though he has done nothing to solve the feline poverty issue. Tens of millions of cats live on America's streets, forced to steal or panhandle for food. Some even resort to violence. But at least Obama doesn't ditch animals, like Hillary, or strap his dog to the top of his car, like Romney.

I'm not above being bribed, as the car I ride in is in an abominable condition. In addition, Oprah gave me an Estee Lauder gift basket, several personal trainer sessions and a promise to recommend my blog to her Book Club participants. Finally, she offered me an audition as Miss Celie's cat in her Broadway musical, The Color Purple. The possibility that I might one day share the stage with Fantasia, a fellow North Carolinian, almost brought a tear to my cold, steely eyes.