Monday, February 4, 2008

The Moment of Cat Truth

Last night I dreamt I was on that new game show "The Moment of Truth," where they ask the contestants questions while they're hooked up to a lie detector and then make them answer in front of a live studio audience. I woke up shivering, with a pillow pulled over my head.

The dream went something like this:

Host: OK, Henry. You know the rules. I will ask you a series of questions, each progressively more difficult, and each time you answer truthfully you'll earn greater amounts of money. If at any time, a question makes you too uncomfortable and you don't want to answer, you can stop. If you are caught lying at any point, you will be disqualified and lose all your money.

Now, I see you've brought some of your family and friends today. Would you like to introduce them to the audience?

Me: OK, I guess. Those two there are the people I let live in my house, and those are my feline roommates, Smilla, Isabel, Pickles and Max.

Host: OK, here's your first question. I notice you're rather petite, Henry. Have you ever thrown up on purpose after a meal?

Me: Yes. But it's not what you're thinking. I found out I had just inadvertently eaten pet food that had been recalled.

Host: OK, I'm glad we cleared that up. Next question. Have you ever fantasized about killing another cat?


Pickles: Gasp!

Max: Gulp.

Studio audience: Groan.

Isabel and Smilla: Knew it. That's why we stay under the bed.

Host: OK, let's move on to a slightly different line of questioning. Henry, if the people in your house remained motionless for more than 48 hours, would you eat them?

Me: Thank you for this opportunity. I think I'll take my money and leave now.

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