Tuesday, April 1, 2008

"If you can't say something nice ...

... say nothing at all."

I will pledge to do this as I assess tonight's American Idol. Why? Because Maxim was mean to Sarah Jessica Parker, and I got to thinking that maybe my words have unduly hurt the feelings of some of the AI hopefuls. This doesn't mean I am going to just lie down and take everything they unleash on us without retribution (I promise I'll be back next week with my fully intact claws at the ready). Think of this as a temporary ceasefire—a free pass to the kids, so to speak—from a temporarily kinder, gentler me.
  1. Brooke White. I like the name "Jolene," which was the name of the song you sang.
  2. Jason Castro. I think you graduated from college dorm room caliber performance to coffee house caliber performance.
  3. David Cook. It's a love-in. I love your new hairdo. The plastered-down Liza Minelli look was really ill-advised. I loved your song. I also loved that even though you sang higher up in the roster than normal (number 3 , I believe) I still loved your performance best by the end of the show.
  4. Carly Smithson. You sang so sweetly. You didn't scream. And I thought you looked soft and pretty somehow, in spite of the tattoos and dark clothing and eyeliner. It reminded me of the time Amanda Overmyer gave her makeup artist the night off.
  5. Ramiele Malubay. "If you can't say something nice, proceed to number 6."
  6. Sayesha Mercado. You demonstrated that it is possible, though difficult, to really work the color yellow.
  7. Kristy Lee Cook. It was pleasant. Just like Simon said. You sang the Lady of the House's favorite Dolly Parton song and didn't ruin it.
  8. David Archuleta. I can't remember what you sang. But I do remember all three judges saying they liked it. They couldn't all three be wrong, could they? So, well done. I guess.
  9. Michael Johns. This is the first time you have performed as well as you did at your audition. I remembered why I liked you at first. I want to say something about the ascot. I really do. But I can't. I promised.

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