Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Bill and Dick's camps: Sorry, scumbags and inbreeders!

Wow, that Dick Cheney is original. He said his family is inbred "and they're not even from West Virginia." And people say he doesn't have a sense of humor! I gotta say, the inbreeding part explains a LOT. (My family came from a pure line of snubnosed street cats, so I have no joke of my own to insert here.)

But boy was my post on how to make a celebrity apology timely. Unfortunately, Mr. Cheney apparently didn't read my op-ed. I kept googling and googling and seeing references that The Penguin "quickly apologized," but I couldn't find the text or video of it anywhere. That's because I should have googled "West Virginia inbreeding" and "Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride." Turns out, McBride apologized FOR him, saying her boss's "offhand comment was not meant to hurt anyone. On reflection, he concluded that it was an inappropriate attempt at humor that he should not have made. The vice president apologizes to the people of West Virginia for the inappropriate remark," McBride said.

He had to REFLECT? That's the kind of statement you apologize for in the next breath. "I beg your pardon. I have diarrhea of the mouth." Well, I guess that's the best we can expect from a guy who's got a backlog of overdue apologies.

I like his finishing touch, "You can say those things when you're not running for re-election." Does that mean he's eventually going to take off his pants, put on horns and run around the Court of Public Opinion screaming "I'm a douche bag! I'm a douche bag. Na, na, na, na, na. In your face, suckers!"

And now for the next person who didn't read my post: Bill Clinton. When he told a crowd of hundreds "off the record" that Vanity's Fair editor Todd Purdum was a scumbag, it didn't come off so well. So check THIS out. Did he apologize? No. Did his spokesperson apologize? No. Did his wife apologize? No. Hillary Clinton CAMPAIGN SPOKESMAN Jay Carson coughed up: "President Clinton was understandably upset about an outrageously unfair article, but the language today was inappropriate and he wishes he had not used it."

Did someone remind Bill that Purdum is married to his former press secretary Dee Dee Myers? If he expects a seat at their next dinner party, may I suggest he deliver the world's largest bouquet of roses with a billboard-size card that reads, "I'm so sorry. Senior moment, there. I meant to say that I'M a scumbag."

As a postscript, here's an item of interest. Apparently, the word scumbag is considered too vulgar for print by the editors of the New York Times and other employers of scumbags. So I guess mucous-sack is off the table, too.

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