Monday, May 26, 2008

Was there life on Mars?

The Phoenix Lander touched down yesterday on the Mars Arctic Plains to a scene that resembled nothing so much as a giant litter box. The substrate appears to be made of clumping cat litter, and those little rocks? Well .... I think you can work that out. I'm providing this anatomical visual aid for the benefit of NASA scientists, who may need help articulating the bones of the skeletal remains they will surely discover.

My Martian cousins undoubtedly went the way of the dinosaur due to the polar conditions in the loo. A subzero sphincter can create a serious logjam, and we all know what happens when Meow Mix can't exit the lower GI tract.

The lovable Virgin Inc. mogul Sir Richard Branson and Google co-founder Larry Page are planning to send a spaceship filled with pioneers to colonize the red planet, and I have a bit of pre-trip advice for the passengers: Arrive at Virgle City with scoops and a generous supply of plastic baggies to make room for your huts. Oh, and lots of heaters for the latrine. Bon voyage!

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