Saturday, October 4, 2008

Good news for foreclosed homeowners: Take a bullet and you're home free!

Fannie Mae has announced they will forgive a debt owed by a 90-year-old woman who tried to kill herself as sheriff's deputies attempted to evict her from her home. The woman now lies in a hospital in critical condition due to the bullet wounds she sustained. "We're going to forgive whatever outstanding balance she had on the loan and give her the house," said a Fannie Mae spokesman on Friday "Given the circumstances, we think it's appropriate." But why—I asked the Madame—wasn't it "appropriate" to try to offer some relief beforehand to Addie Polk, who'd lived in her home since 1970.

A sorry mathematician, the Madame mused nonetheless about what percentage of the $700 billion government bailout package Mrs. Polk's mortgage amounted to. The Madame often gives thanks out loud that she and the Mister are lucky enough to pay the bank every month (so far). If we ever got evicted, she said, where on earth would we find a landlord who'd let us keep five cats? We'd have to find a cardboard box big enough for all of us, she said, though Pickles, Smilla, Isabel, Max and you would need to promise not to shred the walls, she admonished.

Wow, all this time I thought equity was the main benefit of home ownership. Damn, those people really love us.

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