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Who'd a thunk? A Floridian threw a sandwich at his girlfriend during a dispute over car insurance.

I think maybe it's time I start ignoring projectile food in Florida. Perhaps all the media attention is encouraging copycats.

Finally, Floridians wielding food responsibly

This time, the food fight was justified. A pizza delivery driver in Miramar hurled a pepperoni pie at three teenage thugs pointing one too many firearms at him. Fortunately, no one was hurt. Which is too bad. I really wish the perps had been blinded by hot cheese. Seriously.

So, it's time to update, yet again, the list of dangerous perishables in the state of Florida. (I can't believe no one's used grapefruits yet.)

• Canned weiners
• Cheeseburgers
• Unleavened bread*
• Sardines
• Pepperoni pizza
  

*Included for its potential to incite violence. All-around poor weapon.

Rash of food fighting continues in Florida

A half-hour away from where a man pummeled his ex-girlfriend for taking his Vienna sausages and where a Florida congregation tackled a fellow parishioner for stealing communion wafers, another food-related battery has occurred. This time, a man clocked his girlfriend with a cheeseburger.

(At least when people in North Carolina fight with food, it's for a good reason.)

The list of potentially dangerous perishables in the Sunshine State now includes:

• Canned weiners
• Cheeseburgers
• Unleavened bread
• Sardines

When will the carnage end?

Floridians taking communion too seriously

A Jensen Beach, Fla., man who got a little too greedy with communion wafers "outraged" and "offended" his fellow parishioners and ended up in the slammer this morning. The man reportedly grabbed a handful of wafers from the priest and then tried to flee, but his fellow worshipers blocked his path and held him down while police were summoned.

Dag, I thought. Where is this Jensen Beach? And what kind of rough-and-tumble town is it?

So I Googled on down to Florida and did some virtual sightseeing. Turns out, Jensen Beach is just 15 miles away from the community of Fort Pierce, where on Monday a man allegedly pummeled his ex-girlfriend for eating his sardines and Vienna sausages, which the newspaper described as "a popular canned weiner product" (the Madame informed me that the proper pronunciation is Vy-EEN-uh sausages, like hyena).

In the same town, whose tourism Web site extols the residents' "peaceful quality of life," an 11-year-old boy hit his mother in the head with a saw Thursday and then offered her five bucks not to call the police. He was later booked for aggravated battery. My first thought was, what kind of mother calls the cops on her kid for inflicting a minor laceration? But it turns out, there's something seriously sociopathic going on, and I don't want to make light of that (let's just say, the family cat has been really, really lucky). Still, I've got to wonder what the heck is in the water down there.